The Rational Male: Book review

Decoding Intersexual Dynamics – A DXTheTrainer Review

By Xavier Savage, DXTheTrainer.com

In the quest for self-understanding and navigating the complexities of modern relationships, various frameworks offer different lenses. Rollo Tomassi's The Rational Male stands as a significant, and often debated, voice in this arena, presenting a direct, unfiltered look at intersexual dynamics from a perspective rooted in evolutionary psychology and observations of social behaviors. As Xavier Savage of dxthetrainer, I believe understanding different perspectives, even challenging ones, can be crucial for forging your own informed path.

The Rational Male is less a narrative and more a collection of essays and concepts aimed at helping men understand what Tomassi presents as the underlying mechanics of attraction and long-term relationship dynamics. It’s a dense work, often requiring careful consideration.

Let's unpack some of its central tenets and the much-discussed "Iron Rules."

Core Concepts of The Rational Male:

• Hypergamy: A core concept Tomassi discusses is hypergamy – the female imperative, from an evolutionary psychology standpoint, to seek and secure the best possible mate, often defined by higher status, resources, or genetic fitness ("mating up"). The book explores how this influences female behavior and mate selection, both consciously and unconsciously.

• Sexual Market Value (SMV): The book heavily utilizes the concept of SMV, suggesting that both men and women have a "value" in the dating marketplace based on various factors (age, looks, status, resources for men; youth, beauty, fertility for women). It posits that understanding and optimizing one's SMV is crucial for dating success.

• Plates Theory: This refers to the idea that, particularly in the phase of life before settling into a long-term committed relationship, men benefit from non-exclusively dating multiple women (spinning "plates") to maintain abundance mentality, avoid one-itis (unhealthy obsession with one woman), and better understand female nature.

• Feminine Imperative: Tomassi argues that society is largely influenced by a "feminine imperative," meaning that social conventions, media, and even legal frameworks tend to prioritize and protect female interests and perspectives, often to the detriment of men's understanding of raw sexual dynamics.

• The Matrix/Red Pill: The book often uses the "red pill" metaphor from The Matrix, suggesting that it offers men an awakening to the "true nature" of intersexual dynamics, as opposed to the socially conditioned "blue pill" narratives.

The Nine Iron Rules of Tomassi:

These are often cited as the cornerstone of the book's philosophy:

1. Iron Rule #1: Frame is everything. Always be aware of the frame and control it. (Essentially, who is leading the interaction and whose reality is dominant).

2. Iron Rule #2: Never, under an circumstance, share the "Red Pill" truth with a woman with whom you are romantically involved. (Tomassi argues this can damage attraction).

3. Iron Rule #3: Any woman you are involved with is a reflection of your own sexual market value. (Later amended/clarified by Tomassi, but the core idea is about self-assessment).

4. Iron Rule #4: Never, under any circumstance, live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within six months.

5. Iron Rule #5: Never allow a woman to be in control of the birth control.

6. Iron Rule #6: Women are fundamentally incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved. (This refers to differences in how men and women express and prioritize love, with men often seeking respect/admiration and women seeking security/provision, according to this view).

7. Iron Rule #7: It is always better to be an asshole than a wimp. (This is about avoiding passivity and being decisive, though the term "asshole" is provocative).

8. Iron Rule #8: Always make a woman a priority in your life, but never make her your only priority. (Emphasizes maintaining one's own mission and purpose).

9. Iron Rule #9: Never take a woman's advice on how to be a man. (Posits that women's advice often steers men towards behaviors that are less attractive to them).

About Rollo Tomassi

Rollo Tomassi is the author and blogger behind "The Rational Male" blog, which has been active since 2011. He is a prominent figure in the "manosphere" and is known for his direct and often controversial takes on male-female relationships and social dynamics.

• Website: therationalmale.com

• Social Media: He maintains a presence on platforms like Twitter (X) and YouTube.

  • Twitter (X): @RationalMale

  • YouTube: Rollo Tomassi (verify specific channel)

(Xavier, please verify these are the current best links/handles).

Final Thoughts from Xavier Savage

The Rational Male offers a stark, and for many, a paradigm-shifting perspective on relationships. Its value, as I see it, lies in its potential to make men question societal narratives they may have passively accepted and to encourage a more self-interested (in the sense of self-awareness and self-prioritization) approach to their own lives and choices.

Some of the "Iron Rules" and concepts can be jarring, and it's crucial to approach this material with a critical mind. The language is often blunt, and the worldview presented is one of constant vigilance in intersexual dynamics. For some, this framework can provide clarity and a sense of empowerment by demystifying confusing interactions. For others, it may feel overly cynical or prescriptive.

My philosophy at DXTheTrainer centers on building undeniable self-value through discipline, purpose, and authenticity. While some of Tomassi’s ideas might seem to conflict with ideals of romanticism or partnership for some, understanding the potential underlying dynamics he describes can be part of a man’s broader education. The key is to integrate any knowledge into your own authentic framework, rather than adopting any single philosophy wholesale. True strength comes from understanding many perspectives but ultimately living by your own well-reasoned principles and values. Use this information to become more aware, not more jaded.

Other Book Reviews on DXTheTrainer.com:

• [Link to Review: Iron John by Robert Bly]

• [Link to Review: Models by Mark Manson]

• [Link to Review: Be Here Now by Ram Dass]

• [Link to Review: King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette]

• (Xavier, continue to add links here as you publish more reviews)

Self-Reflection Questions for You:

1. Regardless of whether you agree with it, how does the concept of "hypergamy" make you reflect on your own past experiences or observations in relationships?

2. Consider "Iron Rule #1: Frame is everything." In what areas of your life (relationships, work, personal interactions) do you feel you effectively hold your frame, and where might you lose it?

3. How does Tomassi's concept of "Sexual Market Value" align with or challenge your own understanding of what makes someone attractive or a desirable partner?

4. "Iron Rule #8: Always make a woman a priority in your life, but never make her your only priority." How does this resonate with your own sense of purpose and how you balance relationships with personal mission?

5. After considering the perspective of The Rational Male, what aspects, if any, do you find useful for your own understanding, and what aspects do you choose to discard or view with caution? Why?